If Trump Becomes President You Will Need This Doomsday Gear Bag
The Donald Trump Bug-Out Bag comes complete with everything you need for your flight south of the border or to safety. Included in the sturdy, black duffle bag is a compass to help guide you on your journey. There is a flint and steel to start a fire on those long, cold desert nights. For when you can’t risk building a fire, they’ve included a thermal space blanket to keep you toasty and prevent any of those magnetic rays from penetrating your body.
If the rest of the sane world responds with the only option available to them and decides to nuke the US, CAH has made sure to give you some water purification tabs, which wont really kill the rads, but will at least make it more digestible. There’s a gas mask to keep out the dirt for when you have to root around the remains of civilization for that left over can of beans, and a couple of seed packs so when you do find The Green Place, you can recreate your own Garden of Eden.
As you make your way to Mexico — the last bastion of freedom — CAH has prepped you with some foreign currency and an application to become a permanent resident of Mexico. There’s also a handy card of some quick translations that you’ll find important, such as “This goat has no diseases” and “Glory to Eternal Leader Trump. May he reign for a thousand generations!” in case he manages to invade all of America, North and South. And to remind you of the life you once had, you can carry a single memento of the last days of democracy near your heart: a golden locket with a picture of President Barack Obama. You are welcome to tape a photo opposite of him or your own love, or another great freedom fighter of your choice.
You also get a Cards Against Humanity Trump Pack, with 25 all-new cards to play about the Drumpf himself, and all his hopes and aspirations to lead the US down the path of Idiocracy once and for all.
Life was grand in the good ol’ days of America, back in 2016, but for the 10,000 people who managed to get this $25 bug-out bag, they can rest assured knowing they will be safe and sound, or at least well entertained, when the Trumpocalypse comes.